Family Quilts

We decorate sugar cookies at Grandma's house at Christmas time.

We have a bubble-gum blowing contest at the Mulnix family reunion.

And, when we have our first baby, Nana makes us a family quilt.

To begin, Nana picks a book that has meaning for our family. She picks books that have a message we want to pass down to our children. For Trendy Mama's family, she picked Bear of My Heart by Joanne Ryder. Trendy Mama and her family love to camp and fish, so this story about a sweet little baby bear and her mom (or dad) who explore outside is perfect for them. And the message the parent bear tells its cub -- "You are the bear of my heart, dear, and I am the one who loves you..." what a sweet refrain for Trendy Mama's family. Trendy Mama's cubs truly are the bears of her heart and she and her hubby are the ones who love those cubs with all of the fibers of their beings. And, those cubs know it!

So Nana picked the perfect book.

After she has selected the book, she designs a quilt that represents the book. My words cannot do this  quilt (or our family quilt which I'll write about later) justice. It is perfect - each fabric is selected with care, each stitch has meaning, and for the rest of our lives...and our children's lives...and their children's lives... this quilt will remind them that they are loved by many.

This family quilt is not just for that precious first baby. Instead, it represents the beginning of the family. 

The best part about this quilt is how it evolves. When the babies are little, they can lay on it and play. Taylor could find the fish swimming in the stream. Now, Taylor and her sister, Kami, can point to the mama bear and the baby bear and trace the quilted heart in between them. Mama can read the story as her girls are on sitting on the blanket. 

The quilt hangs in the girls' playroom as a constant reminder of their family story: That they are the bears of their parents' heart... they are the bears of their Nana and Pappy's hearts... that they are the bears of their family's hearts... and we are all the ones that love them!

To Work or Not to Work...

I remember discussing career options with my mom when I was in high school. She encouraged me to think of careers that might be more likely to offer flexible scheduling so I could spend time with my future family.

That's how she saw it at least.

At the time, I saw it as her limiting my options, trying to force me into a career that was generally deemed “woman’s work.”

Like being a teacher or a nurse instead of a lawyer or a doctor.

Don’t get me wrong. She always supported me and encouraged me to do whatever I wanted to do. She just always reminded me to consider what would happen when I had a family.

Did I listen to Mom?

Does anyone listen to their parents when they are offering genuine, helpful advice that doesn’t directly support her own particular notion of how the world works at that time?

No.

I had it all figured out. I talked to many working moms over the years and asked them how they managed to balance career and a family. (No matter that I was asking people who were working, so obviously they were at least somewhat happy with their job situation. I ignored that part.) They offered me helpful advice, like hire good daycare, divide household chores, and buy prepared cupcakes for school birthday parties instead of making them.

I asked myself if I could take their advice.

Could I give up the idea that I had to be room-mom? Yes.

Could I relinquish some control and allow my husband to pick up our kids from daycare. Sure.

Would I be willing to buy store treats sometimes instead of homemade. Yup, no problem. (For those who know me, go ahead and start laughing...when have I ever brought store-bought anything to any sort of gathering?)

Turns out, I was failing to ask myself the most important, fundamental question of all:

Would I be willing to leave my child in the care of someone else for 40+ hours each week?

The answer to that is (and always has been) no.

But, I was so hell-bent on proving that I was a liberated, liberal, independent woman who could do anything she wanted that I forgot to listen to my own heart.

So I went to college and got a four year degree... went to graduate school and got a masters... went to law school and got a J.D. And then I landed a job at a prestigious law firm. I pushed my Birkenstocks to the back of the closet and bought a pair of black pumps. I bought multiple suits. And I loved it. Since work was slow, hubby and I decided it was a good time to try to get pregnant. And, lucky for us, I got pregnant.

I worked my tail off before and after I was pregnant. I argued cases in court- and won. I drafted briefs. I talked to clients. I also put off making childcare decisions. (Clue #1.)

Maybe we’ll get a nanny, I told myself. But I didn’t interview any nannies. I didn’t even advertise for one. (Clue #2.)

The week before my little one was born, I finally looked at, and put a deposit down on a wonderful Montissori daycare down the street from us. I told my mom and sisters how perfect it was. They served organic food. They allowed the children to learn at their own pace. They loved each child and allowed them to experience nature. And when my well-meaning mom and sisters asked if I was going to be okay putting Karis in daycare, I said sure. I had to be. We needed the income (to afford our giant student loan debt incurred while getting my law degree and hubby going through medical school).

And then I had my little baby.

My sweet, precious, darling little girl.

It’s tempting to say I changed. Or my perspective changed. But it didn’t. Nothing changed at all. I was just forced to ask myself the question I had been avoiding since I was old enough to avoid it: Can I leave my child in someone else’s care?

The answer remained, no.

So I blamed it on my job. I couldn’t work 80 hours a week, but I could work 40. I found an awesome job - a dream job. One that people spend a lifetime looking for. I have an awesome boss. I work for an awesome institution. They created a position just for me. They pay me well. They let me go part-time.

But, I still couldn’t leave my little girl with someone else.

So, my mom came to stay with us. Just for a month. Until I was ready to put her in an in-home daycare with a wonderful woman near my new job.

And then the month was up, and I couldn’t do it.

My mom moved in.

And now, almost four months into working part-time: I still cry every morning on my way to work. I still cry every night as I drive home. The person that used to be a diligent worker who could only think about work, took on extra projects, and sometimes forgot to eat because she was so engrossed in a project (once again, for those who know me, forgetting to eat is BIG)... she was gone. I now barely can focus on work. All I can think about is what is Karis doing. Is she sleeping? Is she hungry? Does she wonder where her mommy is? Does she think Nana is her mom? Can I work from home? Should we sell the house?

And those are just the day-to-day questions, there are many more:

What do I tell my daughter when she wants to be a doctor? How to I tell her what Mom tried so hard to tell me? Can I ever describe what it is like to have your heart living outside your body in this beautiful little human being?

And there are, of course, big picture questions:

How does this change my definition of feminism? Is there truly a movement towards a more self-sufficient lifestyle, centered around the home? And what is my role in that movement?

I have so many questions and so few answers.

What I do know is this: Mom, as she usually is, was right.

Like she has always said, there are some wonderful mommies and daddies out there who work outside the home. I aspire to be like some of those mommies. But, it is not in my DNA. I may love practicing law, but turns out I love being at home...

with my baby...

all day...

every day...

with all the laundry, bodily fluids, chores, stresses, and other not-so-fun aspects of staying at home that comes with it...

Five Years

This cutie-patootie is almost five:

What a difference five years can make!

Five years ago today, I married that little cutie.

We were just graduating from graduate school, with masters in education. Pretty broke. Living in a little apartment. And oh, so happy.

In just five years we...

adopted a puppy, who is now a grumpy-old dog.

bought a house.

I finished law school.

He can now put, M.D. after his name.

This was his white coat ceremony- the beginning of being a Dr.

And, we have the most precious daughter in the world. 

It's hard to think in five years, she will be celebrating a big birthday with cupcakes, streamers, and paper hats!  What a difference five years makes!

Happy anniversary, honey!

Food has been on my mind lately. Mainly for this reason:

My little six-month old baby is eating real food! This milestone comes, like a lot of things in the world of motherhood, with BIG decisions that must 

be made. 

Serious, life altering, important, world  changing decisions. 

 Should we make our own or purchase baby food? Should we even feed her baby food? How many vegetables do I give her before I introduce fruit? How many days does she eat the same thing before introducing a new food item? How many times a day do we feed her? What about wheat and her risk for celiac (since I have celiac)? 

Perhaps I am over-reacting a bit. Not that I have EVER been known to over-react or over-think anything. 

Okay, maybe I'm an over-reacter/over-thinking just this one thing. Maybe.

After asking about 5 million questions, Nana and my hubby reminded me to relax. Eating solid foods is a natural part of the growth process. The really important part is that I watch her cues and do what she is ready for. The rest is really minor (and the pediatrician can advise us on the celiac stuff). She will be okay whether I feed her organic squash prepared fresh in my kitchen or squash bought at the grocery store in a little glass jar.

I'm pretty sure that since she is sitting up by herself, watching me chew and swallow (and even imitating sometimes), and reaching for my plate that she is ready for solids. (Hubby, Nana, Sisters, Pediatrician, three baby books, and countless websites all confirm this!!!)

You think I'm kidding. I'm not. 

Even though the decisions to be made aren't necessarily earth-changing ones, they are important. Ultimately, we decided to reside in the middle on most things. I make some of her food and buy some organic pre-made food. She hasn't had fruit yet, but that will come when I feel like she's ready for it. There are so many yummy vegetables to try first! And, the doctor is even pretty laid back about celiac. Her body will let us know if something isn't right. 

Maybe the most amazing things about these fragile little creatures that we feel so much responsibility for is that God has designed them to be pretty darn resilient. And, even though they may not be able to tell us in words what they need or want right now, they still tell us in their own way. We just have to watch carefully and pay attention. 

I like peas!

Fractions Quilt

When my husband and I got married, Nana decided to employ the old tradition of making the newlyweds a quilt.  She keeps in mind our home and our personalities and then just "keeps her eyes open" for the perfect quilt pattern and fabric.  

Let me just say, Nana has an eye for fabric.  Really.  It's amazing.  (And she is going to try to get me to take this part out, but it is TRUE, so I'm leaving it in.)

I digress.

First, Nana found "Fractions" by Mountaincreek Creations at her favorite fabric store in Norman, Patchwork Place.  This pattern is just perfect for us.  It has simple, clean lines and is just a little unexpected and different.  Like I said, perfect for us! 

The colors were inspired by nature- golds, greens, and reds.  Colors that remind us of the many places we have called home.  The golds of the aspen trees in the  Colorado Rockies.  The deep hues of Vermont in the fall.  The ripening fields of the Kansas plains.

And the batiks are just a little bit "hippy."  Like me.  : )  

One of my favorite parts of the quilt though is the hand quilting.  Nana used a variegated thread to quilt in a flowing pattern that adds movement to the geometric pattern of the quilt.

  It's beautiful.

Nana likes to hand quilt over the winter.  The quilt sits on her lap and keeps her warm as she sews.  And, thank goodness for speakerphone!  Nana talks to all of her children often (on speakerphone) while her hands are busy.  

This isn't just a quilt for our family.  Instead, it is a quilt of our family.  It reflects our personalities and our many homes.  It is both a centerpiece of our living room and a centerpiece of our family.  And, as I  curl up under it during the winter, I think of how my mom curled up underneath it too while she made it.  When I look at the intricate hand stitching, it reminds me how each stitch was sewn with love.

  

Woodland Creature Quilt

Whenever one of us mamas announces that we are pregnant, the other mamas get to work.  Immediately.

It was no exception when Funky Mama told us the good news that she was expecting her first.  We knew, however, that Funky Mama's baby to be needed something, well, a little funky.  No log cabin quilt for this family! This babe needed a quilt as unique as she would be. (Are you surprised that this baby is a she? If you haven't caught on by now, the mamas seem only able to produce the female variety of babies, which is fine by us - imagine the hand-me-downs!  We'll keep trying though, for the sake of our spouses, to have some baby boys (we'll let you know how it goes!).

Since Funky Mama is truly gifted in the art department, she got to drawing. And, as Nana always does, she got to quilting.

The results?

This lovely Woodland Creatures Quilt.

Not only is the quilt unique, but each square has its own fun personality.  You can almost hear the tweety bird chirping, "hello."  And that fox.  He looks like he is up to something.

As for this little guy...

What does he say to you?

(We'll post more pictures of each of the blocks soon.  However, the Woodland Creatures stayed at home while the mamas are visiting each other.)

Nursing Know-How

"Are you sure she's latched on correctly?"

I must have asked this 1,000 times in the hospital. I asked my mom, I asked the nurses, I asked my husband, the lactation consultant, the person who came in to change the toilet paper in our room... you get the picture. I asked EVERYONE.

It is easy to fall into the trap of thinking that since breastfeeding is natural, it is also easy.  We think it is a reflex rather than a learned skill. We should automatically know how to nurse our baby. And if we don't, we failed at our first task of motherhood. 

That thinking is dangerous. Just like most new things, we need a teacher. That's where Nana comes in.

I was so lucky to have a good support team around me that helped me get that perfect latch. My mom was the best of all though. She breastfed all five of her babies and gave me invaluable support and advice. 

"Try supporting her head in the crook of your arm." 

"Make sure you drink enough water."

"Do you need a snack?"

The answer to that last one is always, "Yes."

After I had mastered the latch, we moved on to different questions. Things like, "Could the spicy Thai curry I had for dinner last night be making her fussy?" (Yes!)  Mom was always willing to share her experiences or, in the rare event she didn't have any personal experience with my question (i.e. spicy Thai curry), she was there to lend a sympathetic ear. I know all the mamas in our family have turned more than once to Nana for nursing advice.

A nursing mentor is so important for a new nursing mama. Whether it's a friend, a mother, a lactation consultant, a LLL leader, or even an online community. Nana's advice for nursing moms is find someone who has nursed their baby and ask her to share her nursing know-how!

How Pink Became My Favorite Color

When I found out I was having a little girl, the first thing I said was, "Are you sure?"  Then, I asked, "How accurate is this sonogram?" After much reassurance from Doc and our sonographer, I finally believed we were having a girl.

It was hard for me to believe at first just because I am not what you would call a girly-girl. Ribbons, bows, frills, and pink were not in my vocabulary.  Once I accepted that we really were having a girl, I started thinking of all the sweet colors we could decorate her room with-- baby yellows, grass greens, sky blues... you get the picture. No pink.

So you can imagine the shock (mine and everyone who knew me) when I decided our sweet little baby girl's room was going to be pastel pink and green!  Nana knew better than to wait for me to change my mind and this quilt was born.

The colors are perfect! Soft pink mixed with light green.  And it's just the perfect touch of old fashioned.  Nana used Gracey's Baby Star for the pattern and the fabrics are a mix of old scraps and new favorites.  

Now that she is here, our sweet baby girl loves to look at the different patterns and colors.

And, as you can see, pink has quickly become my favorite color!